"It's not like anyone's dream are always true, It's not like everyone's dream is one to believe. You know what I mean Alex?" Said Mother, in her soothingly calm voice of her's. Alex was only a youngin' age at 13. Though there was much to learn, Alex was but an observant one. "What do you mean, Mom?" Alex stated inquisitively. Alex had the notion that sometimes, Dreams do come true, and wanted people to believe.Sadly, few ever did, barely to even listen.
"Now now..." Mother kissed Alex on the forehead, reassuringly, and began to speak sternly. "I'll not have you dreaming of pondering off into the forest outside at night anymore, got it?" Alex nodded, but with eagerness to explain. "I won't but I haven't been wondering off! There's this place, with thi-" Alex was cut shortly as Mother put her finger on Alex's jabbering mouth to hush. Mother's finger was soft as cotton, tender as a loving heart. "Shh...Sleep"
And so Mother had left to her room to rest. Alex had drifted off to sleep. It had seem like so, but Alex was reletively sure she wasn't. She could feel, she could breathe the cool humid air that fogged the air around. Yet, about the misty cloud, came a sense of surrealism, a tingly feeling of an presense, a subtle thought of somewhere else. She walked along a rough path, shaped by the trail of over-stepped plants and bent mud. There was a small luminous light, a pond which she was heading too. She knew it all to well, she used to love finding the pond in the middle of nowhere. She pushed the leafs, faded into a stark green with a dab of black paint over them, opening the view of a magnificent pond, clear of murky water, and glimmering in a cresant soft white moonlight.
There was something shifting amongst the leafs, leaving a yellow glow behind faintly. Occasionally, there would be a small plant blub that kept a faint blue after it passed, leaving a trail of a soft dim blue, or a deep hidden purple. Alex, curiously investigated what this faint yellow glow was doing, and what in the world was it? She carefully followed the path until there was a thicket of bushes, tall bushes it seemed, however, Dotted were yellow and green lights, light bulbs tat were tiny at the tip of each darkened green tip leaf. Alex pushed through, and in awe of what she found, in what she was seeing in such a beautiful nature, hidden away from civilization.
Alex walked forward to see more....
Comments AND Critisim is AWESOMELY-LOVELY appreciated! :)
First one, is that when it is someone else's turn to speak, new line. It becomes cluttered and looks bulky otherwise. It also made me think for a second who was talking because I am I thought the mother was still speaking, but when it said "said Alex" I was like ... yeah so Alex is talking now? It just confused me for a second.
"And so Mother had left to her room to rest. Alex had drifted off to sleep. It had seem like so, but Alex was reletively sure she wasn't. She could feel, she could breathe the cool humid air that fogged the air around. Yet, about the misty cloud, came a sense of surrealism, a tingly feeling of an presense, a subtle thought of somewhere else. **She walked along a rough path, shaped by the trail of over-stepped plants and bent mud. There was a small luminous light, a pond which she was heading too. She knew it all to well, she used to love finding the pond in the middle of nowhere. She pushed the leafs, faded into a stark green with a dab of black paint over them, opening the view of a magnificent pond, clear of murky water, and glimmering in a cresant soft white moonlight." New paragraph. You're talking about another subject.
Alex, curiously investigated what this faint yellow glow was doing, and what in the world was it? She carefully followed the path until there was a thicket of bushes, tall bushes it seemed, however, Dotted were yellow and... etc etc. New paragraph to add the touch of suspense and I don't know if it's a type or not, but after "however" meant to be a comma or a full stop, seeing that "Dotted" is capitalised?
(Please don't feel offended or anything, it's me being picky)
Other than that I enjoyed it. The touch of suspense with "...." at the end really left room for the audience to think about what was going to happen. Kudos for that. Kudos for this short story in all! I know some writers that can't write short stories for all (which I'll post my short story advice up soon) but you seem to grasp the concept of it pretty well.
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God Bless Us Everyone We are a broken people living under a loaded gun
Yeah, It's capitalized out of habit of pushing the shift-button. XD. Probably my trademark.
It was Intentional to merge the two subjects together. Since the flow of the paragraph didn't change, but the subject did, I wanted to bring the idea of confusion to play. "Is it a dream? Or is it real?" without giving too much. Though, I see it's offputting and doesn't work. I'll experiment a new way.
The story was inspired by a song I have, just a little fact. :)
I'll fix it tomorrow :) It's late for a school night.
Things to add (reminder-list for all to inspect) -Details -Clearing up Dialogue -topic/paragraphs. -Part 2 Finishing up the story. (shorter than my "Short story" :P )
I enjoyed it as well, I really loved your descriptions though I'm kind of having trouble concentrating right now (for one, my mind is elsewhere, and two, my English isn't good enough to understand such advanced language fully). A few grammar errors here and there, along with the things Sarah mentioned. Other than that you're doing great my friend. Can't wait for part 2.
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Dreaming of Zion, Awake Sleeping Awake.
"We’ve never tried to come off as better than our fans, our fans... when they come to see us play, they’re actually a part of, you know, us playing. Sonny, the way he is on stage, he connects with them, emotional and in every kind of way you can imagine, you know, musically, and I think that they can see that it’s not, you know, a put on, it’s not something that’s fake, it’s real." - Mark Daniels of P.O.D.
The midnight forest was quiet, a companion of a black sky, Dotted up with a lonely crescent moon and it's moonlight. Below was a stir, a single blush of movement, moving across the scene.
Alex was pushing through many soft leaves, dotted with Blue and yellow bulbs of light. What came to see, a whole village of houses from tree's and logs, Lush-soft plants around with a small steady steam of a ruby clear water through the village and out. The little houses were lit up by a sky-blue lights while small pathways were lit up by faint yellow glow, The moon was open to see, Still in it's white moonlight crescent. Deep purple creatures walked around, unaware of the Giant human named Alex that had encroached on their little world.
As Alex walked around, admiring what wondrous beautiful nature that bestowed before Alex. Alex saw the Little yellow glowing creature and began walking to it...
All around, It had seem there was a fairy-dust like tingle around the air, thought it never seemed to be able to be inhaled. each step making not a single crunchy leaf crack for there was none, it had seem that this place was totally devoid of Death.
Eventually, Alex caught up with this yellow creature. It had seemed as though to take no notice everytime alex called to it. All it was doing was planting yellow bulbs amongst some leaves and working on a different one. Some of the yellow bulbs would turn blue and then purple in a seemingly random order. Alex got frustrated at it's lack of feeling and decidedly to pick up this creature.
It had felt soft and a tad fluffy on the skin, noting to a similar teddy bear, it had a fuzzy feel on Alex's hands. Alex turned it around and looked right at the creature to see what it had look like. Alex turned it around and inspected it's appearance, and what Alex saw was utterly Horrific.....
Alex woke up in a cold sweat, panting and taking heavy breaths. Alex sat up trying to take in what just happened. After 10 minutes of remembering what happened, Alex looked outside the window to see if it really was there.
Amongst the forestry landscape, there were dotted blue and yellow faintly amongst the leaves outside, shining luminously along with the Cresant moonlight Moon, shining the Glorious Empowering light of the sun, that would purge the evil that comes with the darkness in imagination.
-End. :D
To be honest, I kinda ran outta Idea for what to write for this, but i had an impulse to get some written expression out of me.
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