You expressed emotion better than well, but I think you still need to work on the way it progresses. The start was simple and I would've hoped that the whole thing was simple and less desperate towards the end. Either make the start more complex or the whole thing simple (and effective). Anyhow, nice work, though I'm sure you can do better.
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Dreaming of Zion, Awake Sleeping Awake.
"We’ve never tried to come off as better than our fans, our fans... when they come to see us play, they’re actually a part of, you know, us playing. Sonny, the way he is on stage, he connects with them, emotional and in every kind of way you can imagine, you know, musically, and I think that they can see that it’s not, you know, a put on, it’s not something that’s fake, it’s real." - Mark Daniels of P.O.D.
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