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Greyfoxx · Member

Foxx's Poetry Corner

Sarah Sensei · Linkin Park ♥ 130

I'm so happy that you have brought your poetry corner from LPF to Quills lil sis. You are indeed a great poet and a very talented one of that. I say keep it up. Believe it or not, but it is actually quite hard to make good poetry that appeals to everyone and I've seen your work before and you cater to everyone's poetry soul. Keep it up I say!

Greyfoxx · Member

Maze of Halls

In the darkest hall, I walk
With nothing there to guide me.
This never ending corridor I stride
to find some glimmer of light.
I feel no fear, nor pain, nor hope
All that is left is to keep going.
On locked doors I pound my fist
to find my hands bloodied with failure.
No friends to aid my search
Only foes to hinder my quest.
Strive for an end of this hallway
to see the outdoors once more.
No windows do I see, nor light of any kind
All there is, is Oak panels and doors.
A haunting tune is played close by,
Narrating my attempts to free myself.
With each one of my steps there is a beat
Although it's a note of sheer defeat.
Ongoing is this maze of halls
and one day fate will unlock the doors.
Dear sweet fate won't you set me free
or make me suffer for eternity.

Ravynlee · ~ ModMother / The Cougar ~ 290

I love the pace of the first one, I was actually going to rant about how it should have been paced, laid out, spaced if nothing else, but when I reread it when I got to the last senstence there was a sense of - finality, like hitting a brick wall, a literal fullstop - and I'm not sure whether that was deliberate or not, but kudos if intended, it added to the overall feel of the work. Content wise I sense a lot of things here, defiance, bitterness, hope, loss, but this continual reference of I and you sets a huge division between the poems two protagonists. I don't know if you ever read it, Stephen King's Rose Madder, but this 'forcing you back in your cage' and 'beast you've become' reminds me in a visual way of the vilain in his story, a man that on the outside is human but over the course of events sort of reveals his true nature to be bestail, violent, almost 'bull-like' in nature. I don't know why but that's what I'm seeing here...

Second one - I don't know why, I can't... fault much on this one. The whole thing is dark, heavy, and you get to the end and there's a kind of 'light at the end of the tunnel' aspect - or a vague hope of one which did kind of unnerve me. I'm not sure what to say here. It's so heavy. Heavy in the fact at least one sentence or two strikes a cord in me, which all good writers I suppose in some way aspire from their readers -
On locked doors I pound my fist
to find my hands bloodied with failure.
and
With each one of my steps there is a beat
Although it's a note of sheer defeat.
Sheer brilliance. Maybe not the most perfectly formed prose but the power in those two sentences really carry the weight of the poem. Heavy yes, but I love it.

Jon2 · Dreamer of Art 270

The first one was a bit too traditional for me, I saw potential in it but in a few spots you took the easy way out so to speak. I liked the message though and it was very easy to catch. I would work a bit on the middle part and the ending but yeah, it painted a picture and that's what's important in my opinion.

Now the second one is a lot better. Like Rav said, it's very dark and heavy, and I don't know is it just because I love that kind of text in general, but it seemed like this was way more balanced, more descriptional, more poetic and it had more emotion and the kind of despair that strikes you, you know? I think I don't have anything bad to say about this poem, other than the fact that you should make it a bit longer - perhaps make it a poem that tells a complete story or something?

Needless to say you're talented and I hope you will evolve to become an even better writer and poet. Good luck with it fellow colleague and I hope I will see more of your work in the future - I may not always have time to give feedback but I'll read them.

Greyfoxx · Member

I figured while i have a semi writers block i'll post an old poem i wrote a few years apo. Enjoy

Newfound Freedom

As I stand in front of a broken mirror
I realize what has caused all the fear.
Blood stains my hair
My face is un-naturally fair.
I smile grimly as I stare at my face
As red liquid drips in a single place.
A reflecting piece of glass is in my hand
It’s shaking, wanting to taste the blood of man.
Two nights I’ve been this way
Hiding from the light of day.
A pair of red eyes stares back at me
When I realize my Master has set me free.
Free of the world I once called my own
Free to play, tease, drink, and roam.
If I wish to stay, I may
If I tired, I’ll sleep by day.
My Master tells me to listen and learn
And some day it will be my turn.
To ensure our race continues to exist
That we won’t be the last to wander the mist.
In these two nights, I have changed
My new speed improves my attacking range.
My newfound sight lets me see for miles
And I can hear even the softest child.
In the next night, my change shall be complete
And I’ll be capable of any feat.
I now know why people flee
They know not how it is to be free.
My master calls to me tonight
To feed the thirst in my own right.

Greyfoxx · Member

The Darkest Dream

From the darkest dreams I awake
Opening my eyes to the new day
Out from the blackness I bring myself
Towards the calling sounds of the one I love
My mind was swimming in the horrors
Almost lost in such a nightmare
Yet somehow… His voice reached me
In the farthest corners of that dream
Bringing light and happiness to me
Showing me a new outlook on my own mind.
I awoke in a cold sweat
Pain and suffering still show on my face
I still cannot see anything save but the memories
Memories of that dark nightmare that engulfed me
He stares at me, forces me to look at him
Making my eyes meet his
His collective calm flowing over me like a cool rain
That look brings me completely out of the dark
His face shows me the love I will always have
His voice sooths away any memory I may have
Of that dreadful place in my dreams
He vows to me that as long as he is with me
I shall never again be plunged back
Never again will I go into that blackness
Nor shall I ever again feel that pain
Never again…