( 10 months ago...a 15 year old was killed by her mother,no one dears speak of it...or even mentions the girls name...though this girl her name is Charon..he was into Witchcraft..she used it for good..she was a chid of Nature..she enjoyed it very much...but her mother went Furious when she found out her daughter was into magic's and spells...her mother claimed her daughter was a devil worshiper..but only Charon knew it wasnt true.
but her mother killed Charon...by posioning her ..by putting in chlorx into her soups and oatmeals and then her mother finally snapped when it didnt do much but make her little sick...she finally forced her daughter to drink 2 gallons of water within an hour....which was her last thing to do..but Charon she came back as a Guardian of childern who need a Guardian)
* 2 years later *
Sade..is walking back home from school...when her dad drives up next to her..and she climbed in ...she was fine then he sprung bad news on her.. sade's dad spoke " Sade,hun...i know your 12 now..but your mother passed away from Cancer...and i am taking you to a special doctor to check for any cancer like your mother had..okay..? " Sade nodded..but she never really spoke much anyway..and so the check up went well..and the doctor spoke " we will know within 2 weeks if she has anything " sade's dad said " Okay".
Sade got home and went to her room ..and she a few days ago found a hidden room in her closet and she went there and shut the door and just endured the silence and the blackness of no light...to her it felt peaceful.
peaceful cause there was no noise..no nothing but a black dark surrounding and she found this spot to be her okay to be sad and hurt rooom...and to journal within this room...and make a voice journal to express herself..through words that were spoken.
I REALLY like the plot here. My complaint is that you have a habit of jumping into things way too soon in my opinion - why not be a little more descriptive? What was it like at the doctor's? How did Sade feel about it all? Her mother is dead, she must have anger, frustration and sadness within herself. Your mind is able to create twists, turns etc. that I really enjoy but you have to learn to be more descriptive, detailed and make this story seem less like just a recap of the plot of a film you've just seen. Your grammar needs a bit of work as well, but yeah, this isn't terrible, I see lots of potential - you just have to take time and patience and work on this hard altogether.
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Dreaming of Zion, Awake Sleeping Awake.
"We’ve never tried to come off as better than our fans, our fans... when they come to see us play, they’re actually a part of, you know, us playing. Sonny, the way he is on stage, he connects with them, emotional and in every kind of way you can imagine, you know, musically, and I think that they can see that it’s not, you know, a put on, it’s not something that’s fake, it’s real." - Mark Daniels of P.O.D.
10
My complaint is that you have a habit of jumping into things way too soon in my opinion - why not be a little more descriptive? What was it like at the doctor's? How did Sade feel about it all? Her mother is dead, she must have anger, frustration and sadness within herself. Your mind is able to create twists, turns etc. that I really enjoy but you have to learn to be more descriptive, detailed and make this story seem less like just a recap of the plot of a film you've just seen. Your grammar needs a bit of work as well, but yeah, this isn't terrible, I see lots of potential - you just have to take time and patience and work on this hard altogether. 
