Eyes cracked like glass exploding into rays of dust like the ash falling into her mouth filling her throat with words burned at the tip...silent coldness...wrapping around her pale skin,turning her to ice
Lips of fire burn away the festering anger beating like a drum within her head breaking her mind of stone her thoughts of metal fall like crumbling buildings
Skin of ice and tears surfacing like snow on the first day of winter like when baby Jesus was born into the world of hate and judgement..that shattered him into the pits of death.
Bones of stone crumble into dust of gun powder to go off like a bomb waiting for that perfect moment to blast into tiny fragments of fallen rock from nature's power of thriving anger built within the earth's behavior
Veins of Meth flow like a dust storm blowing debri around in circles like endless night to never end casting the world into shadows with endless rain and storms
Tongue of poison and acid slither down the lips cracking the lips of fire twisting the flames into darkning ice of black releasing the carbon of meth into the pockets of air within this eye of black
Slivers of flesh fall like crumbling cement on a over bearing hot day in the mid air of the sun planning to destroy our world and home in a instant
for anything she touchs is endless ruins and growing moss and burning trees and poisoness anger boiling like meth in a endless pot of unbearing turmoil
Nice use of language and metaphors, but I didn't really get a hold of it. The beginning was promising but because it can be understood in several ways before reading the poem more deeply, I suggest you make it less misleading. When I first read the first paragraph, I thought it was a build-up for a story but then it just turned out ot be a descriptive poem of a girl. It was also way too confusing as a whole sometimes in my opinion, you should've made the line breaks more clear. Work on those, it has potential after all.
-- Edited by Jon2 on Monday 13th of April 2009 02:44:01 AM
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Dreaming of Zion, Awake Sleeping Awake.
"We’ve never tried to come off as better than our fans, our fans... when they come to see us play, they’re actually a part of, you know, us playing. Sonny, the way he is on stage, he connects with them, emotional and in every kind of way you can imagine, you know, musically, and I think that they can see that it’s not, you know, a put on, it’s not something that’s fake, it’s real." - Mark Daniels of P.O.D.
-- Edited by Jon2 on Monday 13th of April 2009 03:45:35 AM
__________________
Dreaming of Zion, Awake Sleeping Awake.
"We’ve never tried to come off as better than our fans, our fans... when they come to see us play, they’re actually a part of, you know, us playing. Sonny, the way he is on stage, he connects with them, emotional and in every kind of way you can imagine, you know, musically, and I think that they can see that it’s not, you know, a put on, it’s not something that’s fake, it’s real." - Mark Daniels of P.O.D.
the eyes resembled false act ,ETC acting happy when your really lost inside yourself
the lips of fire resemble hidden anger...and the words of anger choked back burning hte mouth is what hte lips of fire refer to
Skin of ice ,is refering to a soul/heart/emotions going cold...to where they dont feel nothing
bones of stone, is resembling not feeling real....almost like your just a figment of the mind just like stones...
tongue of poison and acid refers to being silent since a traumatic incident with a boyfriend of family member
slivers of flesh is refering to feeling like being picked apart of minor mistakes and actions through out teenhood and adulthood
and the ending paragraph is talking bout all that turmoil inside just seeps out and she breaks down from to much emotions that have become overly intense
Ok, I didn't realize it had a deeper meaning. Now I say it's great work! Should've put more thought into it I guess, sorry about that. Thanks for clearing it all up and keep up the good work ;)
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Dreaming of Zion, Awake Sleeping Awake.
"We’ve never tried to come off as better than our fans, our fans... when they come to see us play, they’re actually a part of, you know, us playing. Sonny, the way he is on stage, he connects with them, emotional and in every kind of way you can imagine, you know, musically, and I think that they can see that it’s not, you know, a put on, it’s not something that’s fake, it’s real." - Mark Daniels of P.O.D.
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