I sip from the chalice of razors they slip through my lips and tongue spilling soul and life through the black crimson that flows from me.
I stand perched,perched upon the edge of the of sheet of mares..sheets of red sheets of black..black like night ..black like eyes
I take the 40 lashs of fire that beat endlessly against my beaten bruised cracked flesh of maggots..that crawl like the worms in my eyes festing on the dead sight eyeballs of nothing more then black and blind eyes of nothing more
Me perched perched upon the sheets of mares red and black..like the eyes of demons staring at me licking their lips lusting and thristing for my flesh and red that flows through my veins..
I sip once again from the chalice of razors that slipts through me like the eyes of sins..the eyes of swords and demons staring into the soul of Me...of I of nothing but purity...I am nothing more then a mortal..caught in there grip of torture..and pure joyment..of hate and hate is what i shall recieve..
Very good! Really deep, very descriptive and violent, I like. I would've wanted to see some more uniqueness and advanced wording on the last two verses/parts but over all everything works together really well. The story is perhaps a bit hard to follow here but then again, that makes you think, so it's not really a con. Not much else to say, good work - write something more happy next time, eh? I know from experience that it can be hard when you're used to writing stuff like this but it really helps to look at things from a different perspective.
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Dreaming of Zion, Awake Sleeping Awake.
"We’ve never tried to come off as better than our fans, our fans... when they come to see us play, they’re actually a part of, you know, us playing. Sonny, the way he is on stage, he connects with them, emotional and in every kind of way you can imagine, you know, musically, and I think that they can see that it’s not, you know, a put on, it’s not something that’s fake, it’s real." - Mark Daniels of P.O.D.
No problem, and you definitely should post them then!
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Dreaming of Zion, Awake Sleeping Awake.
"We’ve never tried to come off as better than our fans, our fans... when they come to see us play, they’re actually a part of, you know, us playing. Sonny, the way he is on stage, he connects with them, emotional and in every kind of way you can imagine, you know, musically, and I think that they can see that it’s not, you know, a put on, it’s not something that’s fake, it’s real." - Mark Daniels of P.O.D.
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I know from experience that it can be hard when you're used to writing stuff like this but it really helps to look at things from a different perspective.
